Christocentricity

i slept like a babe in your arms
yes like a babe
scared shitless
with my stomach turning
with fear
yet an anxious fear
that will be stolen
with the failures
and broken dreams
of tomorrow

i will not succeed at anything
but i will suffer
with
but not like
the one who has suffered most
for my sake
in my place

Bedside

to my friend...

with something to prove
and everything to lose
with your blank stare into space
and the academic challenge
of mediocrity
and your fear in your bones
and your pride
to ne'er confront
the dark side of the world
but only to sleep underneath it all

i pray that you don't sleep for too long
or that you don't remember redemption
without the fall
and that the stench of depravity
ne'er leaves your bedside

More Anger Please

in december
nothing has changed
just a little more anger
about what could be lost
by
next november

Grace

today i will try again
to remember the good ole days
and how fleeting an ideology that is
i am a poor excuse for a lover
a son
a brother
a friend

but i do not exist
to be inherently good
or maliciously bad
i exist in a series of questions
only to find the answers
laid to waste in the death of the former "me"
and the resurrection of this new thing
that requires much of what i cannot give
but you take it anyway
and give back to me "yours"
and through your lens
the "bad lover, bad son, bad brother, bad friend"
looks perfect
once and for all
as through each new day
you dip pieces of my flesh
in your blood

Sleeping Pills

in the middle of the night
i will awake to heavy breath
and i will check my pulse
i will breathe deeply
i will rediscover the cold hard truths
that slumber has helped me to
briefly forget

in the wee hour of the morning
i will fight the good fight
i will completely forget the decades that have past
i will wage war on my former self
in hopes that someone
someday
will take me seriously

Thieves

like a thief
i came
to greet myself
with the mirror crack
and the imagery
of a man
a place
long forgotten
the solace
was there for a moment
my peace
at least
sits in pieces
right below the belt
with the selling of ourselves
in pale crisp days
that we sit and waste
and waste
and waste
until the eternal
the fucking ungrateful eternal
never returns the favor
of our leaping into
the fires of humanity
one last lie
one last time

Art is Hardly Worth It

to sacrifice everything
to create and re-create
and procreate
alone in this dark room
without you
is miserable

with this...
i cannot pay the bills
with this...
i cannot love you anymore
with this...
there is nothing to show

these days i love you more
than i love my need to...

make

There Are Lies That Live In The Rotten Caverns of My Heart and I Wish I Could Just Destroy Myself In My Sleep

when you come home
i will kiss you passionately
we will make love in our wedding bed
in order to forget
the things i must say to you
in the morning

Known/Unknown

ever since i was a boy
i wanted to be a hero
but now all my heroes
are either dead
or disappointing

at 25 i'm so belligerent with worry
and disgust at the life that is coming
and the reconciling of the mess i've made

i used to sleep in a gigantic bed
naked and all by myself
with whiskey and a nightmare
i was all alone
only hurting myself

community
is such an overrated posture
to have commonality
in one thing that is truly fleeting
to have commonality at all
is purely meaningless
and insulting to any sense of self

but when i meet my grave
i often wonder if i will be surprised
at the lack of cynicism
whilst stepping into the known/unknown

belligerent with calm
at the end of my lifelong storm
where i cursed the day i was born
and broke the heart of every person
i'd ever met
and lived this unabashedly selfish life

when i meet the grave...
whilst the heat is rising in my chest...
greatness...
or the...
known/unknown

Heroin Please

16 drugs
in 16 viles
i have to wonder...

which one will kill me
which one will make me sleep
and which one will keep me awake for days

and in the end the only safety i have
is the knowledge that death is coming
I'll take vile number 7 please

September

endangered by a void i could never fill
underneath the ground
yes the oceans now
are crashing into us
and i'm so somber
with the loneliness
and the keys to your car
and the driving
into the void
that i cannot feel

Your Brokenness

my heart is ripped open
is burnt to a crisp
waiting for the world
drink a bottle of glenlivet
and drive home

and i will kiss your cheek
i will reconcile our love
until it returns
to passion
and heartache
and lust
and fire

i will pick up this mess
and make it right
i will at last be
your love
the one you once knew
before i lept into the east
and dragged you west
with a deep sorrow in your heart
for accepting my requests
over and over again

my lover, my bride
the woman who should have said "no"
the woman who lived as my slave
as i pursued things like a prepubescent boy
you fed me
paid my rent
and was denied love completely
when you desired it so, so much

i am eternally grateful
i am eternally sorrowful
for your brokenness

2004-Present

yeah i read the letters
you were selling some melodramatic dream
if only to be eternally cliche
i say that it "spoke volumes"
about your heart
about your affection to me

the red head in indiana
will never throw her entire life away
to sacrificially give
as you endlessly take
and rape
and spoil
this soul of mine

it will all be toil
at least for a little while
you will pretend to be a scientist
a poet
a musician
a writer
but you are none of these things
you are eternally nothing

but i stand by your side
waiting for you to become
anything

waiting for to just
fucking love me

Marriage in the Key of Self

when we met
we were the same
now we don't even look the same way
i used to place my hand up your skirt
and you would let me finish what i started

now that what we started is almost completely finished
i think that we both agree
that in the end
we have never truly loved
anyone
but ourselves

Doctor Up the Loneliness

and your name will be forgotten
no matter how hard and deep
you try to scribble
your epitaph into
novels and short stories

no matter how much you send your
thoughts and ideas
through the stratosphere
of bandwidth and algorithms

they will not remember you
nor the good you have done
it will not carry any weight
and it
will disseminate
and you will be left alone

and at last
she will finally leave
she will take the boy
and make love to a man
he will buy her fancy clothes
and a nice car
but you will have your art
and the universal misunderstanding
of your eternal self

on that day
i will not laugh
nor will i shout the "i-told-you-so's"
i will merely weep
in remorse for
never laying bare
the venom of your folly

Harvey Buys a Gun

i was happy before this
i mean
i didn't live in a mansion
and my wife wasn't a super model

in fact
i lived in a run down mobile home
with a bunch of shitty old cars
and 5 kids

with no money
and 7 mouths to feed
i was truly happy

so today i bought a gun
with every intention of using it

Harvey Gets Divorced

some people would like nothing more
and that's alright
so many times i have had gold
and i have thrown it away
i would rather have nothing
and be alone

tonight i served her divorce papers

Truck Driving Asshole

you take the big rig
and she watches movies
and fucks men
especially the ones you buy flatscreens from

your wedding bed smells
like somebody else's cum
and she doesn't care

drive long
drive hard

Drown Her in the Bathtub

cleverness is a joke
told two hundred times in the back room
of some shitty hipster bar
or on the third floor of some
brooklyn brownstone

you stand in awe of
some bitch who makes blanket observations
about Patti Smith
and here i am ranting
about my "uncool"
measured against your seamless narcissism

now
i'm looking in the mirror
staring down my wit
and she tells me she's at her end

Cohabitation

she screams
you'll feel it in your stomach
and right around your temples

with
3 bottles of glenlivet
and 1 bottle of vicodin
you will regain your sanity

Forgive

find a career
not a job
forgive
don't lust
don't be jealous
have babies
stop acting like a faggot
put down that knife
somebody call 911
i haven't seen him
in weeks
he skipped town
they found him in a ditch
with razor blades shoved down his throat
and a bible in his
left hand

Good Mourning

I will rip out my heart
to save your life
but i'm also a poet
nothing i say will ever mean anything

metaphors make me sound captivating
but this morning i took a big nasty shit
it felt amazing
is that captivating?
is that romantic?

tomorrow they will pull the plug
and you will die
and the people
you love the most
will expend a great deal of
time, money and effort
to forget all about you

open letter to the Norwegian Star

i watch people board
cruise ships
sipping martini's with
lemon twists
whiskey sours & red wine

i see the penthouse cabins
with sliding glass doors
that lead to
glass enclosed balcony's
with hard wood panel
railing
i hear them chuckle about
how they should have taken
their own yacht
it was bigger anyway

i laugh at the though of alcohol induced strokes
and a big crash on wall street
while these cocktail drinkers
lose everything they love

Two Wishes

the thought of your head
in your hands
and your new bride
standing over you
comforting your broken heart
and wishing i was dead
did not phase me at all

that would have been
a better reason
to abandon you on your wedding day

nope
all i cared about
was a plump blonde girl
with big tits and a round ass
who would in due time
abandon me

i wish i'd never met her
i had a hell of a toast speech
prepared

Knives 'n Shit

with a knife on the bathroom floor
Johnny could hardly remember
what born-again meant
Jackie his unrequited love
had left without a word
i walked in the front door
with supposed words of comfort
"she's not worth it"
"there's so much to live for"

a month prior
i had a knife and a locked bathroom door
no one barged in
to tell me how "worth it"
everything was
or wasn't

now there's a wife
there's a house
where i sleep
along side her
but no knife
and no bloody bathroom floor

i wonder where Johnny is now

Enemy

you should die
before
even leaving the womb
if you only knew the shit
you'd get away with
you would
in your only stroke
of pure wisdom
wrap the umbilical cord
around your throat until your heart
stops completely

if only life was that simple
or death for that matter
but no
you will lie, cheat and steal
you will contemplate murder
you will get away with all of it
then you will burn in hell
for eternity

Lowe

it was a sleepy consciousness
when you came
and i couldn't
your panties on my floor
and your big tits
bouncing
on my bed

it's the first
thing i
think about
every thanksgiving

then the disappearing
act
the late night phone calls
i certainly wished
to become a destructive alcoholic
before i wished for to come back
ever
again

Teenage Girls

merry christmas
here's a teddy bear
some candy
and my entire heart

and it means nothing
not to you, anyway

so i went home
i burnt
your pictures and
your
letters

and i
slept like a baby

Trendy Atheism

i knew your name and your sex
before you were born

God told me in a dream
that you'd do
great
things

why'd you have to fuck it up?

now that you're a sorry bastard
i finally have proof
that
there
is
no
God

Celeste

this is for your own good
so listen up

you shouldn't be interested in women
yet anyway

besides
she wants a real man
i'm a real man
you're an 11 year old boy
you're probably grow up
to be a faggot anyway

Love,
Dad

Intercourse

everything is classy until the clothes come off
as elegant as your dialogue may be
we still bark like dogs
naked in compromising positions

a friend once told me that
a vagina looks like a hatchet wound
and a hard dick like bratwurst

fucking
is shoving a bratwurst into a hatchet wound

making love
is beautiful language that
does not exist

Music Journalism

assholes sit in bars
and argue about rock n roll
about who holds more clout
The Beatles or The Stones

I hate The Beatles
I love The Stones
The Beatles are more important
The Stones are more interesting
I also have huge balls
and I love mac n cheese

Wife

the only woman i have
ever loved
is sleeping in my bed
thinking of new ways to
love me
when we make love
we both immediately
fall asleep

no one has seen me
like she has
and what's more
no one knows
just how little
i care
about all things
that are not
her

Mr. Crow

today i saw a crow
that had hair hanging out of his asshole
and scraggly feathers torn to shreds

from what i could tell
he didn't deserve what he got
then he knocked over a soda can in frustration
in the crow world, such a gesture
is on par with telling someone to fuck themselves

i will not fuck myself mr. crow
but i will send you to an early grave
you lousy bastard

Patriarch

at the end of the day
"father" means four things

it means something biological
it means something idyllic
it means something philosophical
it means something you regret

how do you reconcile "father
to "self"
when "self"
doesn't mean
anything?

Biography

critics are
demonized
for painting pretty pictures
of artists and their
"meaningful" work

"pretty" is subjective
and no one
anywhere
would be pleased
to read the details
of their own
life

Liar

there's a part of me that
tells it like it is
and it's completely
invisible

Emeralds

we live in a city that sits on the
Puget Sound
it spits out
artists, musicians, faggots & feminists
and we all sit and argue the tenets of
this post modern world

...in this city that is always asleep

i wish there was country everywhere

Coyotes

Shotguns kill coyotes
but they wont kill New Orleans
the blood of animals
looks and tastes like red wine
the kind we'd drink in New Orleans

There are no coyotes in the bayou country
but there are shotguns
and you can point them
at thieves and rapists
it wont matter

The Blood of humans
doesn't look like anything
it just flows from
one artery to the next
without conscience
or sorrow for the
consequences

Fuck Coyotes

Asleep at the Wheel

lethargically speaking
we have been lost
along with our cause
that we signed up for
mine was between your legs
yours was in my back pocket

it's ben this way
for a long, long time

Why is There a Fucking Car Seat on the Front Porch?

a guitar
and a thrash
and the jeans
come off
it's a good thing that
skirts
don't talk
they'd lie about it
anyway
and it's because we do drugs
that things have turned
out this
way

Ode to Money & Orgasms

To enjoy the world we live in
you have to do three things
and do them well

1. Make lots of money
2. Fuck lots of women
3. Live long enough to enjoy it

The third is the most essential and the most impossible

Tonight I will die
penniless and alone

Independent Woman

You resilient independent woman
You unbutton your blouse for weak men
Who have emptied out your bank account
And got all their milk for free
And your uncompromising demise
Is that you just can’t feel lonely
Or you’ll curl up and die in the 3rd bedroom of our parent’s house
The one with the two windows overlooking the fruit trees and farm animals
You overlooked them completely
But at least you stopped drinking and rediscovered heaven

Will you be there alone?
Will you be there at all?