Abusive Reactions to Everyday Questions

this old bruise
looks more like
a faded tattoo
in the dark

but you
look like a fresh bruise
when you laugh off
the after life

and God says
"Don't sweat it."

Untitled in a Bar

the regrettable life
i know you all too well
just like the old friend
who i have disowned

yet you keep coming back
with your charm
and your old jokes
that we used to kick around

but it is always
worst case scenario
with me, and the wife
and the trees

i am waiting for them to burst
for 2012 or something like it
to empty out my heart
when everyone is gone

it started in a small town
migrated to medium sized
cities, and their cousin
gigantic metropolises

but, it never changed
not even the pastures
as they became greener
and my heart became blacker

in the old days
i told everyone to fuck off
and i meant it
i don't regret it

but now, surrounded by
the jovial laughter of
drunk friends, telling their
in authentic jokes

i long for an inkling
of inauthenticity

Drinking Beer Brewed in a Small Town

"why I'm tired of the city
in four syllables or less"
as if it were actually possible
to become fully realized

drugs, booze
naked pictures
shitting on the south
but loving it
with the ironic delusion
that what you put out
you get back
10 fold

nothing works like that
not even karma

Chant Evil

we can never know
what the future holds
when we abandon
everything we love
we cleave to it
and we have called it
unconditional
but there are always
conditions
we will never
live up to

but you
in the outer-city
put chemicals
into your brain
every friday night
to make sure
you don't feel
the real shit
that has been
forced down the throats
of the rest of your friends

whimsically
in love with the world
that barely exists
beyond your own fingertips

what you don't want to believe
is actually true
you are lonely
the world is cold
and there is no such thing
as inherent goodness

chant "evil"
8 times in the morning
and 9 times at night
let it become real
because it is
just like the rest of us
you have contemplated murder
and rape, and unjustifiable rage
you have sought to make your enemies pay
you have trampled on the innocent

yes there are drugs
and yes, they are fun but
you have forgotten what you
are proclaiming
from the pulpit
surrounded by ironic t-shirts
and leather clad
sexual beings--
this gospel of intelligent beings--
and it exists until the let down
until your conditions
are not meant
to be met
once again
we all fail
each other
and we are happy to
perform the service

Fuck you but,
God help me.

Communion(ed)

perpetually
the heart with the crack in it
sleeps in my chest
always turns away
always seeks evil
always wants death
never wants life

today
i still know nothing
i still deserve nothing
i still offer nothing
i still receive grace

tomorrow
i will still run
but i will be chased
and caught
by this invisible ghost
who relentlessly
calls me to Himself
and murders me
with the realities
of His life and death
and resurrection

but I walk around this city
just like everyone else
like it doesn't matter
but I'm completely full of shit

A Nothing.

the early summers
that have long passed
when the heat leaves the pavement
and the wind carries the night
through the trees
This scene has passed
through my eyes
and through my mind
at least a million times

this is the point where I resign
the life behind me
fades with each passing day
the life before me
resounds like
a nothing

that I can never take back.

New Wars

the old songs about the new wars
but these are the wars of words
the real thing of blood and guts
and missing limbs and rotting flesh
the casualties of audible disgust
this is the only war
that I've ever fought