Harvey Buys a Gun

i was happy before this
i mean
i didn't live in a mansion
and my wife wasn't a super model

in fact
i lived in a run down mobile home
with a bunch of shitty old cars
and 5 kids

with no money
and 7 mouths to feed
i was truly happy

so today i bought a gun
with every intention of using it

Harvey Gets Divorced

some people would like nothing more
and that's alright
so many times i have had gold
and i have thrown it away
i would rather have nothing
and be alone

tonight i served her divorce papers

Truck Driving Asshole

you take the big rig
and she watches movies
and fucks men
especially the ones you buy flatscreens from

your wedding bed smells
like somebody else's cum
and she doesn't care

drive long
drive hard

Drown Her in the Bathtub

cleverness is a joke
told two hundred times in the back room
of some shitty hipster bar
or on the third floor of some
brooklyn brownstone

you stand in awe of
some bitch who makes blanket observations
about Patti Smith
and here i am ranting
about my "uncool"
measured against your seamless narcissism

now
i'm looking in the mirror
staring down my wit
and she tells me she's at her end

Cohabitation

she screams
you'll feel it in your stomach
and right around your temples

with
3 bottles of glenlivet
and 1 bottle of vicodin
you will regain your sanity

Forgive

find a career
not a job
forgive
don't lust
don't be jealous
have babies
stop acting like a faggot
put down that knife
somebody call 911
i haven't seen him
in weeks
he skipped town
they found him in a ditch
with razor blades shoved down his throat
and a bible in his
left hand

Good Mourning

I will rip out my heart
to save your life
but i'm also a poet
nothing i say will ever mean anything

metaphors make me sound captivating
but this morning i took a big nasty shit
it felt amazing
is that captivating?
is that romantic?

tomorrow they will pull the plug
and you will die
and the people
you love the most
will expend a great deal of
time, money and effort
to forget all about you

open letter to the Norwegian Star

i watch people board
cruise ships
sipping martini's with
lemon twists
whiskey sours & red wine

i see the penthouse cabins
with sliding glass doors
that lead to
glass enclosed balcony's
with hard wood panel
railing
i hear them chuckle about
how they should have taken
their own yacht
it was bigger anyway

i laugh at the though of alcohol induced strokes
and a big crash on wall street
while these cocktail drinkers
lose everything they love

Two Wishes

the thought of your head
in your hands
and your new bride
standing over you
comforting your broken heart
and wishing i was dead
did not phase me at all

that would have been
a better reason
to abandon you on your wedding day

nope
all i cared about
was a plump blonde girl
with big tits and a round ass
who would in due time
abandon me

i wish i'd never met her
i had a hell of a toast speech
prepared

Knives 'n Shit

with a knife on the bathroom floor
Johnny could hardly remember
what born-again meant
Jackie his unrequited love
had left without a word
i walked in the front door
with supposed words of comfort
"she's not worth it"
"there's so much to live for"

a month prior
i had a knife and a locked bathroom door
no one barged in
to tell me how "worth it"
everything was
or wasn't

now there's a wife
there's a house
where i sleep
along side her
but no knife
and no bloody bathroom floor

i wonder where Johnny is now

Enemy

you should die
before
even leaving the womb
if you only knew the shit
you'd get away with
you would
in your only stroke
of pure wisdom
wrap the umbilical cord
around your throat until your heart
stops completely

if only life was that simple
or death for that matter
but no
you will lie, cheat and steal
you will contemplate murder
you will get away with all of it
then you will burn in hell
for eternity

Lowe

it was a sleepy consciousness
when you came
and i couldn't
your panties on my floor
and your big tits
bouncing
on my bed

it's the first
thing i
think about
every thanksgiving

then the disappearing
act
the late night phone calls
i certainly wished
to become a destructive alcoholic
before i wished for to come back
ever
again

Teenage Girls

merry christmas
here's a teddy bear
some candy
and my entire heart

and it means nothing
not to you, anyway

so i went home
i burnt
your pictures and
your
letters

and i
slept like a baby

Trendy Atheism

i knew your name and your sex
before you were born

God told me in a dream
that you'd do
great
things

why'd you have to fuck it up?

now that you're a sorry bastard
i finally have proof
that
there
is
no
God

Celeste

this is for your own good
so listen up

you shouldn't be interested in women
yet anyway

besides
she wants a real man
i'm a real man
you're an 11 year old boy
you're probably grow up
to be a faggot anyway

Love,
Dad

Intercourse

everything is classy until the clothes come off
as elegant as your dialogue may be
we still bark like dogs
naked in compromising positions

a friend once told me that
a vagina looks like a hatchet wound
and a hard dick like bratwurst

fucking
is shoving a bratwurst into a hatchet wound

making love
is beautiful language that
does not exist

Music Journalism

assholes sit in bars
and argue about rock n roll
about who holds more clout
The Beatles or The Stones

I hate The Beatles
I love The Stones
The Beatles are more important
The Stones are more interesting
I also have huge balls
and I love mac n cheese

Wife

the only woman i have
ever loved
is sleeping in my bed
thinking of new ways to
love me
when we make love
we both immediately
fall asleep

no one has seen me
like she has
and what's more
no one knows
just how little
i care
about all things
that are not
her

Mr. Crow

today i saw a crow
that had hair hanging out of his asshole
and scraggly feathers torn to shreds

from what i could tell
he didn't deserve what he got
then he knocked over a soda can in frustration
in the crow world, such a gesture
is on par with telling someone to fuck themselves

i will not fuck myself mr. crow
but i will send you to an early grave
you lousy bastard

Patriarch

at the end of the day
"father" means four things

it means something biological
it means something idyllic
it means something philosophical
it means something you regret

how do you reconcile "father
to "self"
when "self"
doesn't mean
anything?

Biography

critics are
demonized
for painting pretty pictures
of artists and their
"meaningful" work

"pretty" is subjective
and no one
anywhere
would be pleased
to read the details
of their own
life

Liar

there's a part of me that
tells it like it is
and it's completely
invisible

Emeralds

we live in a city that sits on the
Puget Sound
it spits out
artists, musicians, faggots & feminists
and we all sit and argue the tenets of
this post modern world

...in this city that is always asleep

i wish there was country everywhere

Coyotes

Shotguns kill coyotes
but they wont kill New Orleans
the blood of animals
looks and tastes like red wine
the kind we'd drink in New Orleans

There are no coyotes in the bayou country
but there are shotguns
and you can point them
at thieves and rapists
it wont matter

The Blood of humans
doesn't look like anything
it just flows from
one artery to the next
without conscience
or sorrow for the
consequences

Fuck Coyotes

Asleep at the Wheel

lethargically speaking
we have been lost
along with our cause
that we signed up for
mine was between your legs
yours was in my back pocket

it's ben this way
for a long, long time

Why is There a Fucking Car Seat on the Front Porch?

a guitar
and a thrash
and the jeans
come off
it's a good thing that
skirts
don't talk
they'd lie about it
anyway
and it's because we do drugs
that things have turned
out this
way

Ode to Money & Orgasms

To enjoy the world we live in
you have to do three things
and do them well

1. Make lots of money
2. Fuck lots of women
3. Live long enough to enjoy it

The third is the most essential and the most impossible

Tonight I will die
penniless and alone

Independent Woman

You resilient independent woman
You unbutton your blouse for weak men
Who have emptied out your bank account
And got all their milk for free
And your uncompromising demise
Is that you just can’t feel lonely
Or you’ll curl up and die in the 3rd bedroom of our parent’s house
The one with the two windows overlooking the fruit trees and farm animals
You overlooked them completely
But at least you stopped drinking and rediscovered heaven

Will you be there alone?
Will you be there at all?