Grave Danger

i awoke inside my grave
and i tried to take it back
but what forgives
will never forget
the days
when i felt
like
i was actually alive

but i never was
and neither were you
we were asleep the whole time
living in hopelessness
waiting for hope
to become
the peace
that we seek

i have truly
demonized myself
and lionized
another life

Nostalgia

yeah
lets not forget the old times
when i stabbed you in the heart
and you mocked my sincerity
when accusations flew
around
like the flies did
around our dead hearts
when we became
sick with our own judgments
just before our lives
became nothing but sorrow
we would laugh and laugh and laugh
but those good times could never last
like the
the fleeting nature of a smile
coupled with
this finite bruise
reminds us of
who we once were
and who we are definitely
not
anymore

Dragon

like the life i have wrecked
i will come running
even if it kills me
to stand with you
in you
like some cursed
sailor
trying to fight the storm
that is my heart
that i never wanted
in the first place
i only wanted
to be naked
and
coke nosed
and filthy
and completely
fucked
but your heartbeat
beats like a drum
and ruined
what i thought was my soul
and laid to waste
this crooked
mess
that has been
destroyed
by the tongue
you welded to my throat
now
at last
i will shut the fuck up
forever

We Will Become Ourselves (Finally)

isn't it about time?
time we had a lot of things
we have been searching our whole life
i don't mind my shady 1 bedroom apartment
my cat that i treat like a wife
or
my wife that treats me like a cat
this joke is a riddle now
you are my only resource
for strength
louder now
this riddle is joking around
you are my only strengthening resource
softer now
we were still cigarettes
sitting on the edge
of our own beds
with the same broken guitar
singing the same old songs
from 20 years past
we sang our "sha na na na na's"
like we really meant them
we didn't mean anything
until now
our insincerity
was marketed
only by the clothes on our backs
we loved to see you dance
in a sea of panic attacks
my paxil was never a drug
only a new way
to show you new words
for love

I Was Born a Liar

i was born a liar.
i really was.
i loved.
i swam.
i took.
i gave away.
i killed.
ideas.
only for a moment though.
i kissed her face.
she didn't run.
i smiled.
she smiled.
i laughed.
she sighed.
i died a little inside.
but in a good way.
she loved me.
in a better way.
i miss her.
we never met.
how could i forget.
something so pure.
i'm so sure.
it's all so certain.
in my mind.

Oceans of Blood

pin this deep center
where the dead men still bleed
there
where we sing
the heart-ached
back to sleep
with the good news
and there was a book
that said it was power
to save
in a sweet sweet
envelope of a whisper
tearing through your veins
to make nothing of me
and much of You
scarcely
i sit and wait
often
i sprint
for the ocean
of my own blood
thinking that
it will wash me
clean

Propitiated

like the sickness that chases
and is being chased
by me
i freely
give myself
to the grave
the inevitable
stinking
festering
shit hole
where my heart lives
where the Christs of my life
have wept
like a certainty
of the robbing of heaven
at gun point
with this gaping
hole in my stomach
bleeding this fucking filth
onto the living room floor
as this good news
that you speak
is wrecking
me

Benediction

destroy
the lines that separate
my heart
from your face
in my ashamed
disgrace
i come