Pretty Girls

with pasty skin
and brown patches
under their arms
and on the smalls
of their backs

and scars from riding bikes
as children
and rings under their eyes
from sleep deprivation
from raising children
that they
did not
want

bruises
on their left thighs
and on their sholders
and cheeks
from marrying the
wrong dude

and brown skin
like chocolate
and all that generic shit
to describe
the beauty
of a brown woman
it's all true
and real
and sick to death
with sincerity

and brown hair
and blond hair
and red hair
especially red hair
cut poorly
but charmingly

and blue eyes
and brown eyes
and black eyes
and blue eyes

and their
incessant
will to
survive

Brooklynn(ed)

it started with a lustful glance
then my refusal of your touch
until we wed
i told all my friends
that you were a miracle
God's saving grace
in the form of a bride

you wrapped your identity
up in who i was
and we got wrapped up
in anger, selfishness
and regret

yeah,
all these years later
there is still love
but now we don't
understand each other
at all

i'm half-way there

i sit here disturbed that i can read
your thoughts
on a daily basis
it doesn't help to know that
i may become you one day
alone
bitter
scared
needy
co-dependent
upon
nothing

Long Nights Sitting Beside the Vox Organ in Disbelief

i was a boy
with a crack
in his heart
but no longer
now i just wait
in the dark
with a whiskey
in one hand
and a book
in the other
as the years
pass by
without even
a flinch
or, an
"i'm sorry"

now
i
just
wait
for
it
to
end

so
which
will it be?

a book?

or

a life?

Portland(ed)

you're not here now
and you'll never be here
for the kids
fucking four years
into this shit
i'm waiting
and waiting
and waiting
for you to change
but endlessly
without remorse
you are endlessly
the same

Blood Brothers

small towns are full of digression
i grew up in one
there, i was told to keep quiet
to not step on toes
the way that i did

but
i fucked anything that moved
in an effort to collapse the gap
between my heart
and what came out of my mouth
over and over again

but there was this one thing
that moved to the left,
and then a little to the right
and i fucked its brains out
without knowing that "it"
was married to my best friend

he called me up
told me he'd cut my throat
that our brotherhood
that was bonded by blood
in the early seventies
was permanently severed

"it" would call now and again
and i'd meet it in discreet places
what the fuck did i care?
it's husband, my former best friend
wanted me dead

so one day i called him up
and i said, "brother,
i'm going to meet your wife
at a dirty hotel, and then
i'm going to fuck her senseless,
and she's going to love it,
and she'll still hate you."
i hung up the phone

i arrived at the hotel a little early
at about 1pm just after lunch
"it" didn't arrive until about 3:00
i fucked "it" three times before brother showed
as i knew he would

the last time we did it
he watched through the window
then he barged in after we finished
sat down on the bed and cried
we both stared in unbelief
"it" started to laugh
he then choked "it" to death
as i watched

then
we both walked out of the hotel
and we went to a bar
he had a bloody mary
and i had a scotch rocks
like i always did
then like nothing happened
we met again every week
drinking scotch and bloody mary's
until we couldn't see straight

A Prayer of Thankfulness

when I woke this morning
it felt like i won the lottery
i bought a new car
a bunch of high-tech toys
and brand new bikes for my kids

we all smiled around the dinner table
and we thanked You for You're infinite mercy
and then i got into my new car
i sped down the rode
surrounded by Your grace and wisdom

then he didn't turn down his brights
i, in my finite foolishness,
merged into his lane on
our rural two-lane highway

we hit the on-coming truck
i awoke and a pool of my own blood
and i was surrounded by shattered glass
but still, i forgot about the boy
he was in the passenger seat
but now he's gone

as i bathed in Your grace
i told him not to put on his seatbelt
but instead he was thrown from the car
100 yards ahead of me
in a pool of his own blood

then as the ambulance rolled
his dead body away
i walked the three miles back home
in the dark
at around 3am pacific standard time

i crawled in bed with my lovely wife
i broke her the news
she cried, wailed and told me to "fuck myself"
and that she would never speak to me again
and she never did

A Brief Treatise on the Wasting Away of Everything You've Ever Loved

the happiness comes
down the pipeline
as you guzzle gallons of beer
and vodka, whatever gets you there
to that place, where you don't
even have to think
you just speak
even if it makes you sound
unintelligent
merciless
incoherent

but hey you've got christ-like wisdom
i thought i did, too
until i finally met the Christ
and all my truisms
and jargon rapidly disappeared
with any sense of "self"
or accomplishment
or as Solomon put it,
"a chasing after the wind"

don't mistake my annoyance
with contempt
i don't hate you
but when you open your mouth
and talk about how you crave rock n roll
it makes my skin crawl
because i remember the old days
when i would beg, borrow and steal
from everyone and their "everythings"
for just one more
punk rock fix

it was all meaningless then
and it remains meaningless now
i just pray that you figure it out
sooner or later
but it will probably come to you
one way, or the other
and when it comes to you that way
all you feel is pain
and sadness
and regret

best of luck.

Cities Do Not Last

thrown into the trash heap and left to die again
only this time I tossed myself in
along with the used diapers
and condoms, and bad produce
and shit stained lingerie

i was here
but now i am gone

i toil with
and rest in the fact
that this city is not my home
but that i long for the city
that is to come
this city will not last
it too, just like me
will be thrown into
the trash heap
left to die

As We Crumble (Into The Sea)

constantly betrayed by those
who I call my friends
it starts out as a lie
but then it just never ends

but now i fall asleep in my bed
waiting for the world
to collapse, burn and singe

as i run
to yet another city
i eagerly await
for my previous residence
to crumble
into the sea

just like me