since i was a small child
i ran
i ran into the forest
escaping the shouts of an angry, ill equipped father
i ran up the street
to escape the ennui of meth-addicted rural washington state
i ran into a garage
filled with guitars, beer and cigarettes
i ran to the city
where i thought i would finally be set free
nothing comes free or easy to me anymore
even sitting here as i stare out the window
onto the browns a bright yellows that have become the leaves
they will fall
this tree will be left bare
and I will cry
not because of the passing season
but because i grew up in a place that holds no meaning anymore
not because of the shouting on the streets
but because the streets that used to hold peace and solace
hold no peace and no sense of belonging
still, i love these hills
i love these people
even their passive aggressive stares
i love my mother
i love her gaze
the suffering that has worn its way into her soft, leathery skin
i love my sisters
their neuroses
their aggressive love
i love my brothers
their anger
and their hard-fought illusions
i even love my father
he has clawed and gnawed his way
through a life that has abandoned him
yet, in his own way
he clings to a God that loves him
much better, more often and more completely than I do
but most of all
i love a woman
her beautiful black hair
her piercing brown eyes
the curves that line her body
her tender face
her soft skin
her warm embrace
i love her so deeply
with a deepness that cannot be undone
not by betrayal
shouting or fear
she loves completely and wholly
she will go with me wherever i go
so as we set off on a new adventure
she smiles with tears in her eyes
and says "OK. Let's go."
