A Brief Moment of Clarity

what do i know?
but i've been touting around
a duffle bag full of wise cracks
spitting words into the side streets
where people rest
or at least they try to
but i prove them wrong
i know all the right songs
all the right books
i know the ambiguity
of the universe
and that is meaningful
my mind wanders back and forth
like that crazy fucker on the street
shouting obscenities
just so that in case he dies
in a few moments
he can at last
be heard
even if his voice
his ideas
are all at once
mocked and forgotten

but You still pursue
the vomit, blood and cum
that takes residence in my heart
the whiskey i drink to forget You
you reside in the taste
as it burns down my throat
and sits in my stomach and turns
only to call me back
always and
endlessly
calling me back
to brokenness
humility
fragility
in Your loving arms
where there is no redemption
redemption will come
or so is the promise
and even as i reject
your covenantal spit
over and over
it never
rejects me
not now
not ever