What is This Mess?

i don't know, he says
slipping one last time
trying to reach for something golden
but it wasn't there
but he continues to
argue about the afterlife
and books and music
and art and food
literature and existantialism
like it really matters
what one says in their darkest moments

most people cling to meaning
some people to youth
some people still;
believe that youth is meaningful
and that age is worthless
that life was better
in the young mind
that we used to inhabit

but when we cradle our filth
day after day
in words and in habits
and in our terrible deeds
and our manipulative mannerisms
it gives way to what we could have been
but will never be