Fucked

Fucked dozens of women
in dozens of places
dozens of times
in my mind

with a secret currency
in seedy hotels
in upscale hollywood homes
brutalized with pleasure
for me

as my therapist and friends
say its natural
my heart and wife
speak a different language
a language of betrayal
abuse, perversion
and rape

its an ugly world
and i've inherited
an ugly heart

she's/i'm waiting
trusting
that a loving God
will clean up the mess
that i've made