a wolf in my bed

someone talk to me about guns
not happiness or success/excess
when it all comes down
i just want what i want
and i don't care what You think

i'm not a greedy man
or a dangerous man
though, some have labeled me
wolf, liar, thief and manipulator

there is no more of that in me, i guess
because i want to drink, but i can't
i want her to be happy, but she isn't
so, i sit here in this devastating space
wondering what will happen in the next moment
because what is happening right now
is frightening, and there's no way to know
if he will be merciful
or, he will be silent

i've grown accustomed to the peace
of not hearing his voice when he calls
the nights that i sleep like a baby
without revelation, or his "awakening"
this human tomb

"practice resurrection" they said from the pulpit
without knowing exactly what they meant
i ran and run from it
because in the end it is more frightening to obey
this invisible ghost, this cunning manipulator in the sky
all is his, and nothing is mine
and i should be grateful
in this merciful nothing
but i am not
so i guess that makes me a wolf