Tossing To and Fro

when she died the other night
i received three phone calls

my mother told me she may
not make it through the night
i sighed in disbelief
not a fleeting disbelief
but tangible disbelief
i thought she was lying
not in a malicious way
but to say that this is
what to expect
after living off and on
for 90 years
in a nursing home
in a condo
and on a sweaty hospital bed

then, my sister called
in a fit of discolored suffering
she told me my grandmother died
the one constant, the thing that did not change
was my grandmothers beating heart
her soft, toothless narratives
of Seattle in the 60's
and her blind eyes
that could always
recognize a familiar tone

then a stranger called
who had attached herself to my brother
someone who assumes i'm supposed to care
but i listened anyway
i consoled the stranger
told her that it was sweet of her to call
when it was actually an inconvenience

then i lay in bed
i wonder where my grandmother went
what am i supposed to tell the kids
when they're born and grow legs
and ask, "where is YOUR grandma?"
will i tell them, that she is in a happy place
surrounded by all of her beloved
or would i simply say, i don't know?