Death With Integrity

tonight i'm feeling a little crazy
atop the mountain of failed plans
or, schemes, i think that's what they were
i didn't write them down
i just let reality act them out
while these ideas moved forward
while the rest of my life
was, in it's own way --
falling far behind

and i waited for the light to shift
as i lied to myself
and to those around me
when i said
that i was a big deal

i read Ecclesiastes
in the moonlight
at least once a year
and i heard that it was all meaningless
the concrete beneath my feet
is a frivolous waste
my sleepless nights
a waste
"Fear the Lord," Solomon says

another grey moment
in the good book
fear God, but exist
two very opposing ideas
that sync up lovely
with the rest of humanity
the failing triviality
of all the dead souls
inhabiting the spaces
that exist between walls

or, i just fear the inevitable
--what everyone avoids
with vitamins, and exercise--
is the one thing
that is unavoidably
honest