Covered in Blood

it's an odd transaction
your blood for my life
one that gives me a reason
a reason, i don't understand
i don't understand a lot of things
mainly the weight, that i'm supposed
to feel in your presence

then i wonder if the light will go out
is it fleeting, just like everything else
the coffee, good weather
the love, that amazing feeling
when the cum leaves my body

but it's still a wreck
You promise redemption
freedom, reconciliation
from my ugly past
to yourself

most of the time it's un-fucking-believable
but i sleep under your weight
that fastens my head to the pillow at night
i used to think i couldn't breathe
i used to lay awake at night
sleeping only occasionally
now the rest comes
even if in the morning,
i feel like i'm scared shitless

my friends want me to thank myself
for the good "job" that i've done
making this "life" for myself
but when i talk to You
i'm reminded of all i have destroyed
in your name, for my fame

in our conversations i'm reminded of your mercy
that this bloody exchange --
your life to save my own --
means i am loved
secure
covered in blood

paradoxically
i will lie awake at night
mourning the blood on my hands
rejoicing that You
wash my hands
over and over
again